I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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