I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
