If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
