you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
