I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize