I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
