Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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