The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
