How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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