Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
