god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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