dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
