Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
pop tarts are not kleenex
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
