Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
