Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
