Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
