You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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