My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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