In the future we'll all be gay
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
