I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So vagazzling was a success
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
