so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
