Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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