I puked a lego.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
