I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
