Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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