When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Randomize
