Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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