Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
