I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
