I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
