he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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