He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
