we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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