Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
