If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
