I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
