I am spending my child support on dildos
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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