I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
