we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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