I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
