god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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