Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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