So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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