im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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