Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
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