my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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