Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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