He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She told me I should be a condom model.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
