I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
