Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
