I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
