doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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