what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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