Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
