I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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