please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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