At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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