Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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