I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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