watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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