My balls are so social today.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
